An Air of Mystery

By: Lizabeth_R @KissSpeedDating

To be successful and attractive when dating it pays to keep something in reserve. A busy person is an attractive person because their life appears to be full and in motion, but you don't actually know that. You simply wish to know more. And in trying to know more, you find an interest level that you didn't find in those that offer you everything on a plate.

Think about how many times you have heard the expression "mysterious stranger". Think about how many times you have heard someone say "I really want to get to know you more". People are attracted to mystery. Being enigmatic, in other words, not knowing what makes a person tick. Not knowing their thoughts. Not knowing everything about them provokes instant challenge. A mysterious stranger is an attractive person. You want to know more, you want to gain their attention you want to be known to them. Someone you can read like an open book lacks that essential quality and is therefore less attractive at first glance.

An enigmatic woman has an air of mystery. An enigmatic man has the same. Your desire quotient is increased significantly if you don't allow everything in your head to spill out to anyone within earshot. Mystery is a challenge and we know that challenge is inherent in many dating scenarios. By being a challenge to someone who wants to get to know you and by making them work for it, so your chances of success in the dating game are exponentially higher.

People often say that they meet someone when they least expected it. This is partly because by being busy with their every day routine they didn't notice that someone had taken an interest in them. This is often in part because you are busy. You are promoting an air of desirability because there is a mystery to you. Your life seems full and they are interested. They want to know more about you.

It is worth noting however that enigma and mystery are very different from being stubborn and moody. Not knowing about your life and what makes you trick is one thing. Being downright secretive is something completely different.

Here are some key tips to morphing in to a more enigmatic and mysterious you:

*At work or with friends, don't bore the office with every opinion you can muster. Your “2 cents” won’t be worth much if you are constantly throwing it out there.

*Always keep something back when relating a story - why you did that and how you feel about it are details for later. This isn’t a therapy session.

*Don't announce every plan you make. Keep some things to yourself for a while. We all know who those people are who plaster their plans on Facebook and Twitter as if it was their daily planner. Kind of annoying right?

*Do not phone people, let them call you. What I mean by that is, you know you both had a good time grabbing a drink at happy hour together, don’t rush to the phone to let him know. Make him wonder long enough to pick up the phone and call YOU.

*Don't always return calls and never instantly. What I mean is don’t have your phone glued to your body so that you don’t miss a call or that you can immediately pick up after one ring. If you’re bowling with your friends and it’s loud, you don’t need to pick up the phone to tell him you will call him back. Or even worst, interrupt your game so you can go outside to talk to him. THE WORLD WILL NOT COME TO AN END IF YOU CALL HIM BACK TOMORROW.

*Keep your private life private. It is not open for general discussion and debate.

*Don't make yourself available but don't explain why you are not available either. He doesn’t need to know that you can’t go to dinner with him because you’re babysitting your neighbours’ puppy. Simply state that you have previous obligations and politely decline but SUBTLY hint that you would be open to a rain check. Let HIM suggest a later date NOT you.

*Making interested parties think they are not the only person interested in you ups the ante and increases your desirability. Don’t make up an imaginary suitor by any means however; feel free to mention that you are going to drinks with a “friend” when he asks if you’re free tonight.

*Don't engage in extensive text messages on weekends if you don’t have plans with him. He doesn’t need a play by play of the events at the cabin, even if he asks. Enjoy your weekend at the cabin without having him as a distraction.

*It is okay to break plans without much of an explanation in case of an emergency. He doesn’t need to know the whole story of how your best friend’s boyfriend cheated on her and you’re cancelling your date to sit in front of the TV eating a tub of Ben & Jerry’s and watching The Notebook.

*Never discuss ex partners and refuse to be drawn on the subject, your past is your business only.

*Use an evasive enigmatic smile to answer questions to great effect. Never underestimate the power of a smile. Develop your own signature smile. Personally, I’m known for my smirks, and believe me it never fails to make a heart flutter. Oh, and make sure your teeth are white OBVIOUSLY.

*Even when people beg you to know more, keep them guessing. Just because they ask, doesn’t mean you should tell. Yet.

*When telling a story, never give up the “who” or “when” etc. Mention you were with “some people” and stay on topic. Every detail is not crucial to the point you’re trying to make.

*Have different groups of friends who you don't mix together.

*Be a challenge and never be an open book. Make people work to get to know you

Being mysterious takes practice and takes time to get right. Once you do so and are comfortable in not being in constant communication with people they will soon desire to know more. It is a fine balancing trick however because if you are too evasive, people will tire of you and move on. So don’t ACT mysterious, BE mysterious. Think of yourself as an onion; every person that comes in to your life should peel back a layer. And that special someone will continue to peel away until he gets to the core.